i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.