we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia