i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Someone stole a lamp last night.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
