before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....