youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
this is jacob
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.