I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
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