drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
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