we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
