I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
