clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
