Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
