If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
