Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
