Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
