I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
