i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
