Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
