I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
