theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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