i can't believe i had my finger in that
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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