His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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