the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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