I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
