So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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