I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
