On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
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