I didn't shave. On purpose
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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