OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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