My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
