dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
