dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Randomize
