i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
