when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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