I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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