You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
