I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
