The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
