You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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