She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
it's great music for shaving your balls
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
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