his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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