apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
