Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
