The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
