The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
