mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
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