evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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