I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
