I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
