i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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