On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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