Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
