Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
