It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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