I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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