EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
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If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
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