The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
