after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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