make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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