girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
