he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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