I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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