I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
