I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
