my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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