To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize